


Alien Sex Coffee

by Lyl



Series: Drabbles [5]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Aliens Make Them Do It, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-19
Updated: 2010-07-19
Packaged: 2017-10-10 16:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyl/pseuds/Lyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today's a bad day to be a coffee drinker in Cardiff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alien Sex Coffee

Jack knew at the first sip of his morning coffee, that the day was about to get worse. Oh-so much worse.

“Ianto?” he called out from his office, moving to the doorway with his cup held out in front like it was a particularly deadly type of explosive.

“Sir?” came the reply from below, followed shortly by footsteps on the stairs.

“New coffee?” he asked, trying to sound pleasant while he was anything but.

“Yes, actually,” said Ianto, sounding pleased that Jack had noticed. The rest of his team was there, staring at him curiously, and – he noticed darkly – drinking their own morning coffee.

“Where did you get it?” Jack found his voice cracked slightly, and tried to look a little less desperate.

“Same place as always,” answered Ianto, frowning slightly. “There was a sale.”

Jack silently cursed Parliament and their restrictions on budgets for classified projects, forcing handsome and helpful assistants to go the extra mile and find coffee on sale instead of their normal brand.

Jack felt the first rush of heat flood his body and knew there wasn't a lot of time.

Looking at the rest of his team, he noticed they were all starting to squirm in their seats.

“Jack?” drawled Gwen, eyes wide and suspicious. “What's going on?”

“Ph-tarlkk coffee,” he announced. Leaning against the door frame, he listened as Owen started to curse and Tosh whimpered.

“_What_-coffee?” asked Gwen, her head twisting to look at every around her.

“Ph-tarlkk, doll. It's an alien compound that when mixed with caffeine – usually coffee – increases arousal in the human body,” explained Owen. Jack noticed he seemed to be handling this better than he had last time.

“Alien coffee? _Alien_ coffee?!” said Gwen, her voice becoming louder and shriller.

“More like 'alien sex coffee',” added Jack, just to see her reaction. He wasn't disappointed.

“WHAT?! No! I'm no-NO. I'm not having sex with any of you lot,” she said somewhat desperately, backing away from the rest of them.

“Well, then, you have...” he looked over at Ianto - who had pulled out his stopwatch at the first mention of the alien drug – and raised his eyebrows in question.

“Twenty three minutes and seven seconds...six...five-”

“- to find Rhys and some privacy,” he told her with a grin.

“What! How long does this last?”

“Fifteen, sixteen hours. Usually.”

He was amused to see her eyes widen before she grabbed her jacket and phone, and raced out of the Hub as fast as she could.

“Well, as amusing as that was, I'm going to head out and find someone – or several someones – to keep me company for the next day,” said Owen, shutting down his computers before heading for the door. Jack wasn't the least surprised to see Tosh following quickly behind him, and wondered what would come out of that.

He didn't have time to ponder that as a new wave of heat washed over his body, causing him to gasp for breath. Ph-tarlkk affected him much faster than twentieth century humans, but his fifty first century immune system broke it down much more quickly.

He was already starting to lose focus as he watched Ianto approach him. He hated not being in control of his own body, making him hate this drug despite the pleasurable side effects.

“Get rid of that coffee,” he said to Ianto, trying to clear his head.

“Tomorrow, Jack,” replied Ianto, staring at him with eyes that seemed to drill into his very soul.

“We're about to have a city - “

“-that are going to be having a very interesting day,” finished Ianto, moving a step closer. “We'll gather up all the packages in the morning.”

“It's not the end of the world, Jack,” he added.

“Ianto.” Jack was slightly embarrassed when it came out as a desperate moan.

Ianto pulled the mostly full cup of coffee from Jack's hand. For one long minute Jack thought he was going to take a drink himself, but instead he simply placed it on the nearest flat surface.

“Jack,” said Ianto, leaning in to place a deep kiss on his lips. “Tomorrow.”

Jack barely had to the breath to agree before he was pulled into his own office.

A very interesting day, indeed.

END


End file.
